An Open Letter To Patons.
Dearest Patons,
We're curious. Given that The Great Oz Provider Of Yarn better known as Australian Country Spinners are getting all hip and stylin' with the Knitterati and so forth, it made sense to go check out Patons to see what the latest might be. What met us was a tad disconcerting.
"There is nothing more special than hand knitting a sweater for the man in your life!"
Where Patons, did you get this concept from? Sixty years ago, it might have made sense, but now? Hand knitting a sweater for the man in your life in the year 2008 and beyond certainly raises some questions.
For starters, what are you doing getting all un-Australian on us with the concept of a sweater? As a proud jumper wearing nation, surely you'd want to be keeping on with the tradition? Blokes in jumpers from their countries sheep is the way it's meant to be, right?
What's with the knitting for men thing? Surely, the temptation is there to announce that if said testosteroned wanted a jumper - well, if you want it, you knit it. Then there's this question of "man in your life".
Most knitters are female, and a quick glean of dubious interwebs statistics state that overall, there are almost 100,000 more females than males in Australia. Most knitters have been indoctrinated with their first set of needles about the "sweater curse" - knit a sweater for your boyfriend, and you can kiss that bloke goodbye. The deal is, sweater knitting is meant to happen when you're married.
So what exactly are you trying to tell us here, Patons? That the miserable singletons of the world will suddenly be skipping in flower filled meadows once they're married and doing a little knit one purl one for their beloved? Could it be that babies clothing are your primary source of income, and you've noticed a little problem - there's less baby making going on?
Maybe a little negotiation is required. Given that we have pre nuptuals, perhaps what's needed in these uncertain times is a pre knitual agreement should things go pear shaped.
A mens jumper requires around 60,000 stitches. Shouldn't we be asking what the man in your life is going to do for you 60,000 times in exchange? Perhaps some knitters could manage with 60,000 kisses, with a 50% payment up front requirement. Of course, various house administration tasks for those (un?)fortunate to cohabitate could also be discussed.
Maybe Patons are on the ball (so to speak...) and catering to the rising population of queer knitters. However one does wonder whether your current promotional material is really suited to that target market:
It seems that there's more of a buff boys on floral "gee, I'll just pop in on Nanna on my way to Midsumma" aesthetic as shown on The Panopticon. If the pink dollar is where you're going, you might need a little rethink - it's fair to say that there's quite a few women knitting for the women in their life too. Maybe it's time for Patons to kick in with a few saucier knits for sassy ladies and those who love them without the tagline "There's nothing more special than hand knitting a sweater for the woman in your life!".
Might we suggest you hit the road and do a little market research?
a) The "knitting bag" - a strong sturdy knit construction, which handily fits a six pack in the base, leaving room for knitting, tampons, teething rings and other assorted paraphenalia that will assure security at the AFL or the local school picnic will leave you in peace. Optional extra - hidden pocket with can cozies.
b) Knitted pasties. Bonus points if appropriately modelled.
c) One of your sweaters.
Bets are on that a) and b) could well be winners. We don't need to worry too much about color choice, or sizing. It won't matter if said male should change size during the course of knitting. Both projects should also be a heck of a lot faster to make than a jumper, and have various other uses.
We're curious. Given that The Great Oz Provider Of Yarn better known as Australian Country Spinners are getting all hip and stylin' with the Knitterati and so forth, it made sense to go check out Patons to see what the latest might be. What met us was a tad disconcerting.
"There is nothing more special than hand knitting a sweater for the man in your life!"
Where Patons, did you get this concept from? Sixty years ago, it might have made sense, but now? Hand knitting a sweater for the man in your life in the year 2008 and beyond certainly raises some questions.
For starters, what are you doing getting all un-Australian on us with the concept of a sweater? As a proud jumper wearing nation, surely you'd want to be keeping on with the tradition? Blokes in jumpers from their countries sheep is the way it's meant to be, right?
What's with the knitting for men thing? Surely, the temptation is there to announce that if said testosteroned wanted a jumper - well, if you want it, you knit it. Then there's this question of "man in your life".
Most knitters are female, and a quick glean of dubious interwebs statistics state that overall, there are almost 100,000 more females than males in Australia. Most knitters have been indoctrinated with their first set of needles about the "sweater curse" - knit a sweater for your boyfriend, and you can kiss that bloke goodbye. The deal is, sweater knitting is meant to happen when you're married.
So what exactly are you trying to tell us here, Patons? That the miserable singletons of the world will suddenly be skipping in flower filled meadows once they're married and doing a little knit one purl one for their beloved? Could it be that babies clothing are your primary source of income, and you've noticed a little problem - there's less baby making going on?
Maybe a little negotiation is required. Given that we have pre nuptuals, perhaps what's needed in these uncertain times is a pre knitual agreement should things go pear shaped.
A mens jumper requires around 60,000 stitches. Shouldn't we be asking what the man in your life is going to do for you 60,000 times in exchange? Perhaps some knitters could manage with 60,000 kisses, with a 50% payment up front requirement. Of course, various house administration tasks for those (un?)fortunate to cohabitate could also be discussed.
Maybe Patons are on the ball (so to speak...) and catering to the rising population of queer knitters. However one does wonder whether your current promotional material is really suited to that target market:
It seems that there's more of a buff boys on floral "gee, I'll just pop in on Nanna on my way to Midsumma" aesthetic as shown on The Panopticon. If the pink dollar is where you're going, you might need a little rethink - it's fair to say that there's quite a few women knitting for the women in their life too. Maybe it's time for Patons to kick in with a few saucier knits for sassy ladies and those who love them without the tagline "There's nothing more special than hand knitting a sweater for the woman in your life!".
Might we suggest you hit the road and do a little market research?
a) The "knitting bag" - a strong sturdy knit construction, which handily fits a six pack in the base, leaving room for knitting, tampons, teething rings and other assorted paraphenalia that will assure security at the AFL or the local school picnic will leave you in peace. Optional extra - hidden pocket with can cozies.
b) Knitted pasties. Bonus points if appropriately modelled.
c) One of your sweaters.
Bets are on that a) and b) could well be winners. We don't need to worry too much about color choice, or sizing. It won't matter if said male should change size during the course of knitting. Both projects should also be a heck of a lot faster to make than a jumper, and have various other uses.
posted by gusseting at 4:24 PM
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